I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
