Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
