over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
