she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The ass gains better be worth it
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