Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
