got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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