shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
