god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
