First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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