It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She has the best kind of daddy issues
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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