My cat gives me a boner
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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