Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
