drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
