what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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