I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
