i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
