I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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