I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
