So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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