We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
