exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
