All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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