fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
