we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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