I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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