I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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