.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
