Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
