dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize