Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
time to smoke my breakfast
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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