found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
