Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
