wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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