i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
