Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
