im drinking this country out of the recession.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
