come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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