I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
