i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found your dick twin last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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