do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
