Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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