Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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