I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
