I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
