he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
