yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
