OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
