Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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