I met the friendliest cop last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
