You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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